Africa Is Big

Really, it's a big place.
Bigger than published maps and the Western world lead us to believe. More diverse than what we see in Hollywood movies and Save The Children ads.

If you have visited one country, you have not visited them all. Just as Utah differs from Vermont, which differs from British Columbia and the Yukon. All on the same continent, may share some characteristics, but otherwise unique.

Sure. There is poverty on the continent of Africa. There is corruption. There is violence, ethnic and partisan conflict.

(Because we find NONE of these things in the United States, of course.)

These things are a problem, and should not be taken lightly.

But on this African continent, one can also find ingenuity, up-and-coming economies, entrepreneurial ventures, successful educational institutions, national pride, properly clothed children, posh bathroom facilities, the list goes on. Several African countries are becoming strong participants in the world economy. And while some countries do struggle with weak economies, political violence, failing governments, and the like, we tend to lop all the countries into one entity, hiding the good behind the not-so-good. GASP, it's Africa. A mythical place that only exists on maps and TV, harboring scary things and tormented people. A place that has no effect on us in the West besides producing the occasional stab of horror or pity. And lovely collectible art.

The only African history I was taught by the time I graduated high school was that "Way back when, Africans were sold as slaves to [self-entitled, disgusting] whites." Of course, as I've said before, as much as I try to like history, I usually end up falling asleep. But I did read my World History text book for homework, and I can positively say that there was nothing else about Africa in there. And it's not just history. If any attention is paid to this continent in the news, it's almost entirely negative. I mean, personally, my Current Events teacher spent more time on Alien Invasion than World Happenings. But I'm thinking that was just my school. You know, not in the intended curriculum.

Anyway, I think that is stupid. Not about the aliens, I mean about the national disregard for African countries as separate entities and legitimate players in worldly affairs. Actually both are stupid.

No seriously.

Why ignore a whole continent? And if this can't be rationalized from a moral standpoint, how about an economic one. Obviously I am not an economist, but I feel like the West is ignoring what could potentially broaden the playing field for foreign trade. China is on board with investing in African countries, people, so let's get on it.

(If this blog was read by more conservative people, I would expect some off putting comments about commies about now. But I know those people would also shit a brick if/when China surpasses the US in economic growth. So, all I'm saying is let's catch up with the times here, folks.)

Now, I don't kid myself that this post is a.) a wholly original thought and b.) interesting for most people. I mean maybe a few people might read this and give an excited face in agreement before they get bored and go read an article on Upworthy. That's all I can hope for.

So, if you're still reading, thank you. And I promise I'm almost finished.

Africa is big. And diverse. In some places it is scary and unjust (not always a pleasant place to live, yes.),  but in others it is a place of opportunity. Africa cannot be summed up in a movie, unfortunately it's problems will not be solved if you text #AID to 444, and it definitely should not be discarded into a hypothetical trench of unchangeable destitution and misfortune.

This First World-Third World paradigm seems to somehow negate the existence of Africa in the Real World, and it's dumb. It's not like Middle Earth. Africa and North America are in the same realm and on the same planetary mass.

Before I get too out of control here, friends, I will end with this.

There are a few things in life that are simple. Simple, such as a child's innate love of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

But how we see and interpret and understand the world? Not so simple. You and I, though, let's try to give this big, crazy, complex continent it's due, eh?

Now hold my soapbox, please, as I've got to get back to talking the usual rubbish.

A Comprehensive Guide To Beer Drinking in Namibia

If you are anything like me, you evaluate a country not only it's natural and anthropological landscape, but also by its popular food items and, more importantly, its booze.

For instance, I've never been to Russia, but anyone who can drink vodka like water scares me shitless.

That's why I like Southern Africa so much.

Beer, ladies and gentlemen, is the national liquid of Namibia. Water is scarce. Beer is flowing.

I'm a beer gal. I'll choose it over spirits or cocktails any day. Unless we are talking about margaritas, in which case tequila wins out.

In fact I'm drinking beer right now. Don't worry, it is after 1 o'clock, so it's acceptable.

In any case, I greatly miss having access to the microbrews of the United States.

Lucky for me, though, Namibian beer is surprisingly good. After all, there is a German influence in the newly independent country. There aren't many breweries, there aren't many types of brews, but what is here is decent (no equivalents to Natty or Coors Light), and, more importantly, cheap cheap.

On average, a bottle ranges from $.90 to $1.70, unless you want a fancy imported German Weiss beer, which might set you back $5.00, and is only found in like...3 towns in the country. And that price is considered an outrage by Namibian standards. Other imports such as Heineken and Amstel are available in random places, but no one really drinks them.

Every beer says something different about your style of drinking, and since there are really only 4 or 5 beers you need to know about, I will explain.

Let's work our way from the bottom up.

First, we have Castle. Castle is a South African brew, and can be found in a lot of places in Namibia. Almost exclusively drank by tourists that don't know any better or if all other beers have been sold out.

Next, Black Label. Which is a type of Carling beer. Technically not Namibian, but found everywhere, is the drink of choice among the Himba people, and is aptly nicknamed Blackout Label. Actually, maybe that is only what I call it. But anyway, it's not for the lightweight. Usually says "I'm here to kill a.) my brain cells and b.) my ability to coexist amicably with the Earth's gravitational pull (i.e. leads to the question 'Am I even standing up right now?')."

After which, we get Windhoek Draught. This one is made in the capital of Namibia, Windhoek. Hence the name, guys and gals. People who choose this beer wish everyone at the bar to know that they are manly beer drinkers. I'm not really sure why this is so, other than the fact that it comes in a larger glass. I don't know, maybe they think it is a sign of superior arm strength if they can lift it to their lips. I tend to spill things on myself on a regular basis, so I do not always opt for this Big Glass of Beer concept. Although I'm sort of a disaster waiting to happen in any instance, so I don't always let a bit of dribble stop me. But back to the program. As this is the only draft (as we say in America) beer you get in Namibia, you need only ask the bartender for a "draught," and he or she will know what you want. But don't say draught like "drought" because you will look like an asshole. Ahem.

Finally, the 2 Namibian lagers, Windhoek Lager and Tafel. These 2 are seriously interchangeable. They taste the same, both recommendable, except Tafel is usually a tiny bit cheaper. However, like with everything, there are loyal fans of each one who are convinced they taste differently. They don't, but I'm a semi-loyal Windhoek drinker because I like green labels better then red labels.

Folks, I think you can learn a lot about a culture from the items with which they stock their bar selves. I'm not exactly sure what that is in this case. Maybe that, in Namibia, beer is more valued than water. That it is more important to your well being to be liquored up in Africa than to be well-hydrated and, you know, alive or whatever.

For instance, if you find a lone Kuka shop in the middle of the desert or a stretch of blazing hot oshanas,



you will most likely find only beer, liquor, maybe the 2 favored soft drinks, Coke and Fanta orange. But no water.

Something my dentist from home despaired about for many seconds.

But as time goes on, I am increasingly sure that beer actually is more necessary to one's sanity than H2O. At least in this neck of the woods.

So, friends, a toast to learning new things and nonsensical blogging, to drinking beer and dehydrating in a quite enjoyable way.

Cheers to you and you and all of you too.