I love food. Mostly, I love to eat it. Sometimes I like to cook it.
That said,
I am not Gordon Ramsey.
But, with the occasional flop, most of my food is edible, and some of it is even good. However, when your ingredients are not what you are used to, cooking can go awry.
Welcome to my cooking class: How to Cook Italian Food in Namibia.
Step one: If you are in a place other than Windhoek or Swakopmund, be prepared for your only option to be soggy noodles in a tin-flavored tomato sauce. No herbs, no cheeses besides the occasional cheddar, often no garlic or olive oil. But if you are desperate enough to eat something besides meat and porridge, this might do the trick.
Step 2: If you are in one of the two previously mentioned places, you can buy most of the things you will need. However, never count on the items you need to be in stock, count on going to 3 grocery stores to obtain said items, and expect to pay $11 for a small hulk of Parmesan cheese.
Or you can wing it. Like me.
I've finally found a brand of pasta sauce that's reliably good. Although it's no Rao's, it'll do. Plus, the name is Ina Paarman, which sounds like Ina Garten, and I've been watching a lot of Barefoot Contessa.
So, it's spaghetti and meatball day at our house! Allow me to give you detailed instructions on how to make a meal that will wow...you know, someone, at least.
1. Make your meatballs by putting together ground beef, Worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper, egg, a bit of mustard, a bit of ketchup. Obviously straying from Italian flavors.
2. Grate some onion to put in as well and then realize it's all stuck in the grater, and give up.
3. Pour yourself a drink, you've done well so far.
4. Decide you want to make your own breadcrumbs because you couldn't find any in the store and you are feeling creative.
5. Throw in the breadcrumbs and mush your mixture around like no ones watching.
6. Taste the raw meat to see if it's seasoned well enough. Then realize a year ago you never would have done that, it was probably a poor choice, and that's what happens when you date an Afrikaans man.
7. Rinse your mouth out, like that's going to help, and decide you don't care.
8. Form your meatballs and put them in a frying pan because your oven is broken and shuts off the power when you turn it on.
9. While that's browning, and after burning your fingers on a few things, throw some pasta into a pot of boiling water. You notice a few little insects floating around in the water, casually fish them out, and decide that the heat will kill off any bad things. For good measure, throw in some more salt. Why? I don't know, but salt makes things better. Tell to your boyfriend that tonight's menu will be bug poo with a side of meatballs, to which he responds with an unfazed "ok." You're good to go.
10. Put in your sauce and start adding random things to it like a mad woman until it tastes more normal. Go crazy.
11. Be surprised that it tastes quite good and not at all reminiscent of insects.
I hope with these helpful hints, you too will be able to cook like an African Mamma Cucina.
Bon apetito, amici.
That said,
I am not Gordon Ramsey.
But, with the occasional flop, most of my food is edible, and some of it is even good. However, when your ingredients are not what you are used to, cooking can go awry.
Welcome to my cooking class: How to Cook Italian Food in Namibia.
Step one: If you are in a place other than Windhoek or Swakopmund, be prepared for your only option to be soggy noodles in a tin-flavored tomato sauce. No herbs, no cheeses besides the occasional cheddar, often no garlic or olive oil. But if you are desperate enough to eat something besides meat and porridge, this might do the trick.
Step 2: If you are in one of the two previously mentioned places, you can buy most of the things you will need. However, never count on the items you need to be in stock, count on going to 3 grocery stores to obtain said items, and expect to pay $11 for a small hulk of Parmesan cheese.
Or you can wing it. Like me.
I've finally found a brand of pasta sauce that's reliably good. Although it's no Rao's, it'll do. Plus, the name is Ina Paarman, which sounds like Ina Garten, and I've been watching a lot of Barefoot Contessa.
So, it's spaghetti and meatball day at our house! Allow me to give you detailed instructions on how to make a meal that will wow...you know, someone, at least.
1. Make your meatballs by putting together ground beef, Worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper, egg, a bit of mustard, a bit of ketchup. Obviously straying from Italian flavors.
2. Grate some onion to put in as well and then realize it's all stuck in the grater, and give up.
3. Pour yourself a drink, you've done well so far.
4. Decide you want to make your own breadcrumbs because you couldn't find any in the store and you are feeling creative.
5. Throw in the breadcrumbs and mush your mixture around like no ones watching.
6. Taste the raw meat to see if it's seasoned well enough. Then realize a year ago you never would have done that, it was probably a poor choice, and that's what happens when you date an Afrikaans man.
7. Rinse your mouth out, like that's going to help, and decide you don't care.
8. Form your meatballs and put them in a frying pan because your oven is broken and shuts off the power when you turn it on.
9. While that's browning, and after burning your fingers on a few things, throw some pasta into a pot of boiling water. You notice a few little insects floating around in the water, casually fish them out, and decide that the heat will kill off any bad things. For good measure, throw in some more salt. Why? I don't know, but salt makes things better. Tell to your boyfriend that tonight's menu will be bug poo with a side of meatballs, to which he responds with an unfazed "ok." You're good to go.
10. Put in your sauce and start adding random things to it like a mad woman until it tastes more normal. Go crazy.
11. Be surprised that it tastes quite good and not at all reminiscent of insects.
I hope with these helpful hints, you too will be able to cook like an African Mamma Cucina.
Bon apetito, amici.
No comments:
Post a Comment